Casting My Thanksgiving Foods with Actors

 

Obviously, the concept of Thanksgiving is pretty closely allied with turkey. Do most people also provide ham? Maybe. But turkey is like the president of Thanksgiving and ham is like the President’s cooler older brother who plays songs like “Hey Ya” acoustically and can make chocolate chip pancakes.

That being said, the idea of turkey is always a little better than an actual plate of turkey. Maybe it’s a little dry, a little bland, or all the dark meat pieces are always gone. Regardless though, once you set about placing a forkful of turkey into your mouth, there’s always a teensy bit of disappointment. Like maybe you’re really wishing that it was barbecue.

Vince Vaughn is kind of like that. I love him. I loved him in Swingers. I loved him in Old School. And I loved him in Wedding Crashers. But ever since that holy trinity, he’s kind of lost his fastball. It’s gotten to the point where the IDEA of Vince is a little richer than the actual execution (I’m looking pretty squarely at you Fred Claus and Couples Retreat).

You see his movies and have a bit of expectation like maybe he can recapture some of the mojo he had in Old School, but invariably it comes off a little dry and bland and I just think wistfully about what Zach Galifianakis is up to.

 

 

 

 

There’s no better example, to me, of idealization than fudge / Johnny Depp.

First things first: Both are undeniably good. My grandma used to make fudge on Thanksgiving and fill up these round, metal containers with them. One year, I randomly opened up a container and found a full boat of fudgy deliciousness. And. I. Ate. 

At home that night, I got in my parents faces like Jack Shepard got into Kate’s and I was all like,  MOM AND DAD WE HAVE TO GO BACK. WE HAVE TO GOOOOO BAAAAACK!” Maybe this was because I was excited. Maybe it was because I was at DEFCON 0 of a sugar detonation. Mysteries of the universe I tell you.

But the fly in the ointment on Fudge is that it is so bloody rich. I feel like I need to eat it with my pinky stuck out and usually after a few bites, I’m done.

Same with Johnny Depp. Any movie he is in is really good for the first few scenes. But then he just gets a little overwhelming. A little rich. The wonky looks on his face, raccoon make-up, and abuse of the phrase, “Savvy” are all pretty cool. But after a certain point, I’d like a side of subtlety, please.

   

 

Deviled Eggs seem very interesting and almost exotic. I bet if I lit some candles, turned on some Luther V.  and lowered the lights, I could have a splendid night with some deviled eggs. But I’m just not interested. Nothing personal. Just not my type.

Similarly, Jet Li probably makes a good movie, has some funny one liners, and some providential round-house kicks in matrixy slo-mo, but I just don’t care. And before you think I’m raycess or something, I’m not. I don’t like Jean Claude Van Deezy either. Just not my style.

Is that close minded? YOU BET IT IS. But that’s the way it is. When trolleying down the food line, I’ll see Deviled Eggs and think, maybe they’re good, but not for this guy. Taking a chance on Deviled Eggs always soaks up some valuable ham/turkey real estate and for that, NONE SHALL PASS.

 

 

 

I love Potato Salad. The name confuses me, but I love the food. And it’s native scene throws me off too. It feels like a summer food to me, but I’ll still see it everywhere. Including Thanksgiving. I’ll be going through the plate line when I see it and I’m all like, “Sweet! Potato Salad!” And I always make room for it, because Potato Salad is like your elders. You give it respect a

Similarly, with Danny McBride, he has a tendency to show up in random and awesome places playing the same fast talking, oddly specific, neurotic character. Pineapple Express? Yes. Due Date? Yes. Tropic Thunder and Hot Rod? Yes and Yes. Benjamin Button? No, but he would have KILLED in it, right? Just as with Potato Salad, there is ALWAYS room for more Danny McBride.

 

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