Have you seen the trailer for The Lincoln Lawyer yet? I saw it and it felt weird like it wasn’t a real movie or something. I mean, Ryan Phillippe is in it. That guy has taste in movies like I have taste in window treatments. But the bigger thing is that Matthew McConaughey is in it and I don’t know how to feel about that.

Because at this particular moment in time, what am I to think of him? Should I like him? Is he a good actor? Why does he always look dirty? Does he naturally smell like Stetson or would it be more like homeless person? THESE are the things that race to mind. He’s a polarizing figure.

Always shirtless, and the frequent fodder of rom-coms, my instinct is to loathe him. Why?

1. Because he’s a sharp looking dude. Boom. There it is.


2. His participation in Rom-Coms contribute directly to the perpetuation of emotional pornography. In this sense, he’s in cahoots with people like Edward Cullen. TRAITOR!


3. He’s ALWAYS shirtless.

Let me be clear on #3. Hey, good for you that you’re ripped like one of Derek Zoolander’s model friends. It would be awesome if my job was to make this (gesturing at my body) look like a slab of obsidian perfection. IT WOULD BE NICE.

But that’s not my job. I sell shirts, bro, so I don’t get to go for breezy jogs in Malibu or go clubbing with Lance Armstrong. But I’m trying not to be a hater. If you are shredded, then I applaude you. That takes time and effort and you’ve earned it. 

BUT KNOW THIS: guys like you who gallivant shirtlessly around and in front of women are treated with hostility by the rest of the male populace. More specifically, we hate you.

See fat guys can be shirtless all the want. In fact, we ENCOURAGE their shirtlessness because it elevates us. But people like you ruin it for the rest of us. So again, more power to you, but we all frame our perception of your with tremendous disdain. TREMENDOUS.

Showing off a shirtless, chiseled body is akin to breaking out the guitar in HS/College in social situations. If you want to be the guy acoustisizing John Mayer songs out in front of the dining hall, then by all means, go for it. But know that all the other males thinks you’re a gigantic tool. 

No self-respecting guitar player plays Your Body is a Wonderland of their own accord. You’re whoring yourself out, Bro Montana, and again, it’s a free country, but there’s also things like decency to be mindful of.

So back to McConaughey. But in light of all the reasons I should dislike him, I still can’t forget why I like him. Dazed and Confused for one, and I thoroughly enjoyed his character in Tropic Thunder. And let’s not forget A Time to Kill. When Sam Jackson isn’t yelling YES I THANK HE DUSERVES TO DIE AND I HOPES HE BURNS IN HEYULL, MM is absolutely dominating that movie. 

The setting of the movie really utilizes his constant sweating and he’s so effective that he makes us ACTUALLY think that he could fall for someone like Sandra Bullock. AND THE OSCAR GOES TO…

Add to that how he’s the voice of “BEEF. It’s what’s for dinner” And it kind of pulls him back even. I mean beef, justice and the hope for racial equality? I’m pretty sure that was Dr. King’s dream and if it wasn’t, then it’s mine and it should be all of yours.

So what do you think? What’s your opinion of Matthew McConaughey? While you think, here’s a video of Matt Damon impersonating Matt McConaughey.