Sharideth Smith and I belong to the same hillbilly tribe of people known as Tennesseans so we’re basically best friends. Also, we share the curse of never being able to find our names on coffee mugs or key chains in gift shops. It’s a cross we both delightfully bear.
Whenever I type her name, I check my spelling at least 53 times and I’m pretty sure that if Janis Joplin had Sharideth’s name, she would not have died young and would now be the fourth judge on American Idol and matching Steven Tyler nonsensical comment for nonsensical comment. But no matter! The 70s loss is our gain.
Have I ever met Sharideth? No. But I don’t need to. Spend a micro-milisecond on her blog and she will clearly present herself as one of the funniest lady bloggers around town (‘town’, in this sense, meaning ‘internet’). And what’s more? She’s charitable. Her blog is about helping men understand women. It’s like the coolest and most helpful CliffsNotes a guy could ever read.
Five Questions About Sharideth
1. What originally led you to start blogging/writing?
i was blogging before i even knew what blogging was. telling stories about my experiences just seemed like the thing to do. yes, i’m that interesting. and i’ve always been a writer. sometimes people pay me for it and everything.
2. On your blog, a major focus is helping men understand women. Discuss why you feel a burden to mediate relations between the sexes.
somebody had to. mostly i think it’s because i realized most of the conflict between men and women comes from misunderstanding and/or not knowing how to handle different situations. and i’m so genius my brain needs an outlet or it will explode from the pressure.
3. Defend yourself against cries of treason from your more cunning gender-mates.
i decided long ago
never to walk in anyone’s shadow to not defend myself for exposing girl secrets. one shouldn’t have to if you are one. and i are one. girls know they can be Gary Busey crazy. if they don’t like it, they can flame me in the comments or get an anger manicure. whatever.
4. You’ve described Sharideth: The Blogger. Now, describe to us Sharideth: The Human Being.
it would be easier if i were human. but my dad assures me i was created by angels from unicorn tears. then again, he also believes my children were created by immaculate conception so he might not be reliable. other than that, i’ve been married 18 years to the most badassiest man on the planet and i once stopped a kidnapping. that’s about it.
5. Give us some blogs you personally recommend reading.
Tyler Stanton – but don’t tell him i said so. it’ll go to his giant head.
Tyler Tarver – he’s ridiculous and i’m pretty has some sort of mental deficiency, but that’s fun.
Motorcop – he protects and serves my right to waste time on the interwebz.
Bryan Allain – he takes weird pictures of Amish people so that’s a given.
Five Rapid Fire Questions
1. Favorite current / all time book?
2. Favorite current / all time television show?
i’m pretty much obsessed with the Mentalist
3. Favorite movie?
4. Favorite fictional character?
Betsy the Vampire Queen as written by MaryJanice Davidson
5. Favorite Meal?
if it calls itself sushi, i’m gonna eat it.
Five Hypothetical Questions
1. In 5 years, time travel will not only be possible, but it will be commercialized. As such, you are invited to participate in the Laser Tag Championship of All-Time, which is no doubt sponsored by ESPN and Geico. Spanning recorded history, name the 3 people you would select for your team and why.
1. Sue Storm – because she can turn all invisible and junk and would be hard to hit. and she’s real.
2. my older brother – he’s a cop. he likes to shoot stuff.
3. Jesus – how intimidating would that be?
2. Let’s assume that you are a single woman. While dining at an outdoor café, a man approaches you with a guitar and begins to serenade you. Of the following two songs, which would be less offensive to you and why?: My Funny Valentine or Roxanne.
easy. Roxanne. i’d rather be compared to a hooker that be told i’m funny looking.
3. Let’s assume that you are walking down an alley. You are confronted by a woman who, at closer inspection, is your doppleganger. Through a glitch in the universe, she is identically you in terms of knowledge of your life and what has made you who you are, but she differs in certain respects.
As you observe her, you notice that she seems slightly better looking, like an idealized version of you. Her clothing and other affectations are nicer than yours indicating that she is more financially accomplished. Her phone rings and the ring is a ringtone that indicates to you that she is more cultured, nuanced, and educated than you will ever be. Yeah. It’s quite a ringtone.
After observing these things, your doppleganger attacks you and it is clear that she means to kill you.
Do you allow her to win understanding that her continued existence will exponentially improve the perception about you and the affect that “you” have on the people around you? Or do you choose to win knowing that you will never offer the world or loved ones what your doppleganger could? Why?
again easy (and how do you know about these things that keep happening to me? i thought the guitar guy was a fluke.) i’d go all Chris Brown on her highly toned butt and send her back to the abyss from whence she strutted like Ru Paul. why? there’s only one me. take it or leave it. and because i can.
4. A song featured in the movie Juno by The Moldy Peaches contains the following lyric: “I want more fans / you want more stage.”
If you were a musician, which would you prefer? More fans, which speaks to your popularity or more stage, which speaks to your superior skill level as a musician?
fans. i’m an attention whore and not really committed to being good at anything.
5. If, in the near future, your entrance into any restaurant, business, party, etc. could be prefaced by introduction music, what song would you choose and why?
Pour Some Sugar On Me. then i could do a front walkover and land in the splits like Tawny Kitaen.
Five Final Random Questions
1. Which Wizard of Oz character are you most like?
the flying monkeys
2. What’s something the average human would be surprised to learn about you?
i have a ceramic unicorn collection. true story.
3. Do you think the Beatles are overrated, underrated, or properly rated? Why?
properly. i use to think overrated, but now i “get” it.
4. What is your biggest pipedream?
it use to be to write a book that would get banned by Oprah, but i missed that boat. now i’d just like to find a way to sell out and make a million dollars.
5. In 10 years, where do you hope to find yourself?
right where i am right now. sitting in my underwear on my bed and writing…and just as content with my life. only richer. see number 4.