Ok, I have a confession. I was going to do a Bachelor Pad Recap today AND announce the release of my new book. It was going to be fantastic. I was going to even feature this clip about my ongoing relationship with The Bachelor/ette franchise…
I guess Chris Harrison would have been the Gos and I would have been Rachel McAdams.
But then I watched 5 minutes and realized that I couldn’t do it. Partially it was because the show was even more brain-meltingly stupid than usual. But also? They were just WASTING Ames. He was like a Reese Cup in the middle of a vegetable platter and everyone keeps eating the carrots. It was offensive.
So we’re here. This is unchartered waters for me people. I’ve never written a book before, much less tried promoting it. But I will say this: Get used to me shoehorning it very liberally into conversation. I’m not a proud man.
What’s that? You want to see a picture of the cover again? Well don’t mind if I do…
Lastly, it won’t be available via Amazon or the iBookstore until the end of the week, but if those avenues are your thing, hold tight. I’ve been told it will be Friday or Monday of next week.
Here’s some info about the book in case you are curious…
Maybe you are thinking it, maybe you aren’t. Regardless, it’s something I thought of quite a bit while writing the book. But they are related. I *swear* they are.
Here’s the thing. There’s this idea that God is God and He exists solely in the Inspirational / Religion section of the bookstore that is our lives. We consult Him on Sundays, before meals, and when bad things happen and everything else is outside of his jurisdiction. But that isn’t really the case. God exists everywhere. Does that sound like a terrible contemporary Christian lyric? Absolutely. But it doesn’t make it any less true. His influence is manifested throughout the world and not just in Sunday School. In other things. Less conventionally God things.
So that’s what this book is about. Finding God in one of the most vapid shows on television. Maybe it’s dumb, maybe it isn’t. But at the very least, I make fun of The Bachelor/ette a lot in it. So even if this book makes the Left Behind series read like Faulkner, at least we can have fun with the ridicule, right?
Do I need to have a working knowledge of The Bachelor/ette to read this book?
Absolutely not. In fact, it’s better that you don’t because chances are, if you haven’t watched the show, then you have more brain cells available with which to comprehend the book.
And if you have watched the show and didn’t understand the implication I just made, it’s that The Bachelor/ette is a murderer of brain cells. It’s like the Genghis Khan of murdering brain cells.
What’s with the slash thing in The Bachelorette? Is that something you do in the book?
It works to lump The Bachelor and The Bachelorette together so I don’t have to write out both every time.
Is it long? I hate long books, you know.
It isn’t long at all. It’s 11 essays about the show and it’s 50 pages total.
Is it just all of your recaps put into book form?
No. This is 100% new stuff. I wrote it over the last 5 weeks independent of anything else I was writing. The words in this book are like one of those tribes we discover in the rain forest that have existed without detection since forever.
Good, because I didn’t read your recaps the first time. Why would I pay to read them a second time?
That’s a question you could definitely ask if you were trying to be inquisitive but also rude.
Who did the art? That’s probably the only good part of the book.
Wes Molebash. He’s a genius and he did it in like 45 minutes. He’s that good.
What’s the price?
That’s kind of cheap isn’t it? What’s the matter? Is your prose that bad?
You’re very abrasive.
I just feel like $5 is a reasonable amount to ask someone to spend on something you worked really hard on. And plus, the price of yachts have come down a lot, so I don’t have to charge the $500 per book I was originally planning on. Because I mean, if you can’t write a book and buy a yacht, I really don’t see what the point is of writing a book, you know?
“As a doomsday aficionado I love this book. Just reading the title you know the end is near.”
- Chad Gibbs author of God and Football
“I’m pretty sure Jesus and the Bachelorette constitutes taking the Lord’s name in vain, but good luck with that, Knox.”
“If anyone was going to write another useless book about pop culture, I’d want it to be Knox McCoy.”
“If Knox McCoy were any more perfect, the universe would positively explode. I have done the calculations.”
“What the hell?”