Friday, April 29, 2011

Such Stuff As Dreams Are Made On...



I just had the weirdest dream. 

It wasn't the kind of dream where you are standing in a room full of jello trying to run away from a gang of malevolent wolves while juggling grenades.

You know the kind where afterward, you scramble to remember details and for an hour and then you psychoanalyze yourself?  It was more like that. Very pointed and seemingly understandable to the point where I should be realizing something or becoming motivated to do something. It's a very strange and overwhelming feeling, especially when the dream itself feels particularly real.

What's a weird / recurring / memorable dream you've had?

Thursday, April 28, 2011

TOP SHELF: Jim Rome Gets A Beat Down...


Do you know what today is? It's Spring Christmas for me because the NFL Draft starts tonight. I love the NFL and I love drafts so naturally, this is basically the most wonderful time of the year. 


I have a tradition of celebrating with friends, grilled meats and delicious finger foods. Am I basically watching one man read off names of amateur athletes for over 4 hours? MAYBE. But I enjoy it because it relates to football and, as you may have noticed, there isn't much of that going on right now.


In honor of that, I present this video of ex-NFL quarterback Jim Everett beating down Jim Rome on Rome's early ESPN 2 talk show. I'll let the video provide the context.





Free advice: when a professional male athlete asks you not to call them by a woman's name, LISTEN to them. Otherwise, things may become physically problematic.


Have you ever flipped a table over on someone? Details, if so. If you haven't, just make up a story. I'm flexible when it comes to fiction vs. non-fiction.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Residents of Awesometown #8: Amanda Bast









Do you know any kind of guru? You don't? That's so sad. 

Can I introduce you to one? Her name is Amanda Bast and she's a bona fide guru of all things concerning men's facial. She's a savant, really. Her wisdom about facial hair is so vast, that scholars have likened her mind to a magical closet granting passage to a land full of happiness not terribly unlike Narnia.


But that's not all. She also is involved with improv. So she can make you think, make you laugh, and act like a deer during hunting season at the drop of a hat.


But most importantly, she's a blog writer, and a very funny one at that. You may remember her from this guest post about defusing the tensions between Canada and America, so she's also a diplomat of sorts. I guess you could call her a Writomat or a Diploriter.


Make sure to check out her site (Consider the Dandelion) regularly for updates and if you're the twitter-type, make sure to follow her @mandiemariebee. Also make sure to leave a comment about how she's NEVER going to fit that spoon in the bowl she's holding.


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Five Questions About Amanda

1. First, do you prefer Amanda or Mandie and why?
When I was little, everyone called me Mandie. When I was three I stood up on a chair and announced to the world that Mandie was a little girl name and I was in fact, a big girl. I went by Amanda after that. In university, a new friend misheard me and then introduced me to everyone as Mandie. It stuck with that group of people. So to answer your question: I’m indifferent. I’ll answer to any variation of my name.

2. Why do you blog?

I blog because I find it ridiculously fun. I love taking the really bizarre and/or boring stuff that happens every day and turn it into something that is enjoyable to read. I took a creative writing course in high school and my favourite part was when we got to share our stuff. I guess my blog is like sharing my work with the class. Except my class is now the internet.

Plus, I think my family and friends would be (more) irritated with me because I would have to talk more if it weren’t for my blog.
 
3. Talk about the work you do with kids as well as the Mission Trip you recently took. What‘s your favorite part about what you do?

In February, I went to an orphanage called Pan de Vida in Queretaro, Mexico. I’ve been a total of four times now. We go for 11 days and do manual labour (concrete, interlock brick, painting, digging holes, filling holes) during the day and play with the kids the rest of the time. It’s exhausting physically but it is awesome to see a bunch of kids crazy excited to see a freshly painted dorm. We go expecting to serve and bless the kids, but we return feeling like we did nothing in comparison to what they did for us.

The stories of the kids in that place are heart wrenching. I have trouble talking about what they went through without crying my face off. You would think it would be a sad place to be, but is the opposite. The joy that explodes from that place is phenomenal. They have been blessed with a safe place to live, food to eat and people who love them and for that they are so grateful. It’s amazing how much they appreciate the little things. One afternoon I sat and just held three of the littlest girls because all they needed was a cuddle. It was beautiful and simple.

At home, I am a teacher. Full time teaching jobs are hard to come by in Ontario, so right now I’m supply teaching (or substitute teaching for you American folks). I generally love my job, but I have days that are just wretched. Do you remember how you treated your supply teachers in elementary school? Being on the other end of that is not so fun sometimes. The job is inconsistent and I don’t feel like I’m having a huge impact, but these things take time. The best part of this current job is obviously the stuff that comes out of the kids’ mouths. Comedic gold.


4. Your blog has done some Nobel Prize worthy work on the topic of male grooming and hygiene. 2 Questions: Have you been contacted about a Nobel nomination yet and what motivates you to do something that is clearly God’s work?

No. Should I be doing something about this?

I believe that if you are good at something, you should share it with the world. I believe it is my duty as a woman of God to provide mankind with at least a tiny drop of my unmatched wisdom. I have a discerning eye. I’m not going to keep that to myself. Gifts are meant to be given. You’re welcome.

5. Give us some other blogs you would recommend reading.
http://irabobbimaxwell.xanga.com/ - it’s written by one of the volunteers at the orphanage, so it keeps me updated on all of my Mexican babies.

http://amygracestevens.blogspot.com/ - a friend who recently moved to Israel. She’s a beautiful writer and is up to some really cool things.

http://catalogliving.net/ - not really a blog, but it’s brilliant. She posts pictures from catalogs and writes a caption about the family that lives in said catalog.

Five Rapid Fire Questions About  Amanda

1. Favorite book?
Edwina: The Dinosaur Who Didn’t Know She Was Extinct by Mo Willems

2. Favorite television show?
Of all time? Gilmore Girls. Currently? Three way tie between Modern Family, How I Met Your Mother and Community

3. Favorite movie?
Singin’ in the Rain.

4. Favorite fictional character? 
Amelia Bedelia

5. Favorite Meal?

Christmas Eve lasagna. It’s no different from regular lasagna, it just tastes better on Christmas Eve.  

 
Five Hypothetical Questions

1. In 5 years, time travel will not only be possible, but it will be commercialized. As such, you are invited to participate in the Laser Tag Championship of All-Time, which is no doubt sponsored by ESPN and Geico.  Spanning recorded history, name the 3 people you would select for your team and why.

1) My friend Tom Brown. The last time we played Laser Tag, we accidentally went during peak birthday party season. The kids all chased him yelling “TIGHTY WHITEY!” thus distracting them from the rest of us. He held his own and we always knew where all the kids were, so we annihilated them.

2) David of David and Goliath fame. You know what that dude did with a stone and a sling. Think of what he could do with a laser.

3) Andre the Giant. He would strap me to his back and we’d be a winning duo. No one would even see me until I peeked around his massive muscles and shot them right square in the laser shooter receiver thing (it’s a technical term, don’t worry about it). Plus he’s a monster so we could very literally crush our opponents.

2. Aliens have launched an aggressive assault on planet earth with the intent to eradicate all human life. Through a miraculous chain of events, we have diplomatically convinced them to resolve our differences over control of the planet through a two-on-two basketball game to 21. 

Through various methods of selection, you have miraculously been selected as one of the earthly representatives and given the authority to pick your teammate, with the only caveat being that you must pick any TV host personality (Regis Philbin, Jimmy Kimmel, Oprah, etc). Whom would you choose and why?

My initial thought is to pick Conan because he’s tall, but then I think back to high school and all of the really tall, gangly and uncoordinated guys and I want to change my answer. My pick is Tony Danza. He once had a talk show. That guy’s a total dude.

3. Let's assume you are a musician. An angel of the Lord visits you one night and tells you that you have two choices. 

A.) You can be the most popular musician in the world, but anyone of intellectual significance will realize your music is really just crap. But your popularity means you will be unfathomably wealthy, famous, and the opinion of critics will have no adverse affect on you or your family.

B.) You can be a nobody musician while you are alive. You will literally have no fans outside of your family, but after you are dead, your work will be regarded as genius and you will be hailed as a prodigy. No one from your immediate family will ever be aware of this change in public opinion though.

Which scenario do you choose?

B, final answer. I’d rather be a Bach than a JBiebs. I don’t think that requires further explanation.

4. If, in the near future, your entrance into any restaurant, business, party, etc. could be prefaced by introduction music, what song would you choose and why?

Billie Holiday’s version of Sunny Side of the Street. It’s the peppiest, sweetest little piano intro. It would say, “Hello I’m here, I’m smiling, but I’m not going to be obnoxious about it!” But if you’re looking for obnoxious, I’d steal Road Dogg’s entrance music. “OH you didn’t knoOOOW?!” Either would work just fine.

5. Let's assume that in the near future, scientists invent a dream DVR that records your nightly dreams with excruciating detail. They appear as though they were a HD television show each time you dream and no details are left out. The feelings, emotions, and action within your dreams are all expressed and contextualized properly.

However, the only way you can watch these dreams is if 10 of your closest friends / family assemble to watch your dreams with you. Do you agree to this?

I wholeheartedly agree to this. My dreams are really bizarre and to get to revisit them with an audience would be the tops. I would love to rewatch this one Backstreet Boys dream I had when I was a kid. To summarize: they lived next door and liked to bake but frequently ran out of sugar.

Five Final Random Questions

1. Who is definitively cooler?: Jeff Winger or Zack Morris.

This is the most difficult question of all your questions.

Zack is the King of Bayside, which is an accomplishment to say the least. Everyone loves him and he’s invincible. He doesn’t have to do much work and he still gets by with the help of a principal who both hates and loves him. He still also has his innocence, and he treats Kelly well, which gives him cool points in my books. Zack is at the top of his world. But it’s also a high school world which never lasts. Zack loses some cool points.

Jeff Winger on the other hand. He cheated and lied his way through life, became successful, but then got that all taken away from him. That doesn’t happen to cool guys. He loses some cool points there. However, he manages to turn his completely uncool community college experience into something totally radical, thus making him successful once again. He gains those points back again. But he’s also kind of a sleazeball, so he loses some points. But…I do have hope for Winger. I think he can redeem himself in the sleazeball category.

Until I am able to do further research, I have no choice but to say that they are equally cool. I’m kind of rooting for Winger, though.

2. Name an artist in your iTunes library that you are profoundly embarrassed about owning their music.

A couple of years ago I went to a Stars concert and a band called Gentleman Reg opened for them. The drummer was fantastic. The guitarist was pretty good. The lead singer was a different story. It felt as though the real lead singer got left behind somewhere so their hairdresser filled in. It was bad. 

He sang a song called “The Boyfriend Song” (DON’T look up the music video, it’s disturbing. If you really want to subject yourself to the song, watch a live version) and I made fun of him like you wouldn’t believe. But now I have one of his songs in my library and I’m ashamed to admit that I love it. I know it’s terrible, but it’s so dang catchy.

3. What is your biggest struggle with writing your blog?

Not deleting stuff I post. I often post something that I like, but two days later I start imagining it’s terrible so I delete it. I struggle with being confident that the stuff I post is worthwhile or funny enough to share.

4. What is your biggest pipedream?

I’m a dreamer, so I have literal lists of pipedreams. The biggest one at this point in time is to publish some of my children’s book ideas. Being a Robert Munch of sorts (minus the drugs) would be delightful.

5. In 10 years, where do you hope to find yourself?

Somewhere awesome, surrounded by people I love, doing something that makes a difference for anyone other than myself. I don’t necessarily hope for specific details because it’s more exciting that way. I hope my life is still bizarre and simple and quirky in ten years. And I really hope someone invents that dream DVR thing.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

A Spoiler Free Gentlemen's Guide to Water for Elephants





So you're a fella and your special lady person wants to see that new Edward Cullen Cedric Diggory Rob Pattinson movie. Obviously, you comply. But let me help you mentally prepare for this compliance. Below is a brief, spoiler-free, gentlemen's guide to this movie.

Is this another one of those vampire movies?
Nope. No vampires are featured in this film.

Do you promise?
I promise. No vampires. No sparkling.

What about werewolves?
None of those either.

Because if I see that kid who refuses to wear a shirt one more time without his shirt...
Relax. I know. Breathe deep. No one is going to eye molest you with their shirtlessness in this movie. I promise.

Ok, so let me ask the important question: Is Kristen Stewart in this movie?
No, she is not. 

Ok. I feel better. Now that all of that is out of the way, is the movie good?
Um...

Let me ask a different way: is it tolerable?
Sure, I suppose. It's about the circus and there are animals and midgets and clowns. Sometimes the midgets dress up like clowns too so there's that.

That sounds terrifying.
It isn't really. But what IS terrifying is that the angry Nazi (Christoph Waltz) from Inglourious Basterds is the angry Circus magistrate/tyrant fella. And he doesn't hide his German accent one bit so you watch half the movie waiting for him to goose step and salute Der Fuhrer.

Speaking of Aryans, how was Reese Witherspoon?
She had the look of, "Wow, my love interest was in diapers when I was shooting Walk the Line. Awesome."

Is the Vampire/Werewolf fight really awesome?
Dude, I promise: there are no Twilight elements in this movie.

So what does the title mean? Is it like a really important sequence that the whole purpose of the movie is founded on?
No.

Is it a rich metaphor for something? Like friendship or the nurturing aspects of love?
No.

Does Rob Pattinson crane kick the bad guy off a train in the movie's climax and then say, "I just killed you dead...like Water for Elephants," and then some DOPE Bon Jovi song plays out the credits?
No. I wish though. That would have been the most baller ending in romantic movie history.

Well, why is it the title of the movie then?
Because Midget Clowns for Horses has a seedy element to it that doesn't really seem to appeal to the target audience?

Give me something to look forward to that doesn't spoil anything.
There's this one sequence where Rob Pattinson is anguished about something that has transpired and he's trying to dramatically convey this, only he comes across as looking monumentally constipated.

That IS something to look forward to.
I know, right?

Last question: How many people does Voldemort kill?
I think we're done here.


Friday, April 22, 2011

Best '80s Movie Villain...





The dashing and disturbingly intelligent Clay Morgan emailed me recently and asked me to submit a character for a "Greatest '80s Movie Villain" conversation. Naturally, I agreed. Even more naturally, I chose Clubber Lang.


Click it over to Clay's site to read my take as well as three other takes from Ellie Soderstrom, Paul Johnson, Heather (not sure of her last name) and while you are there, if you agree, drop a comment in support. If you don't agree, fake it, because I would totally do it for you. 



Thursday, April 21, 2011

TOP SHELF: Tornadoes and Vomiting




There's just so many perfect things here. Why is the guy throwing up? Was it a bad batch of Mom's spaghetti? Is he allergic to tornado weather? Is it nerves?

Also, the first thing we hear is the camera guy telling someone to call "David" because the tornado is over his house. Below is what I imagine the conversation went like...

Re-enactment

A telephone rings.

David: Hello?

Caller: Is this David?

David: This is.

Caller: Hey David. This is (Caller's Name). I just wanted to let you know that a tornado is currently hovering over your house.

David: Is this a joke?

Caller: I can assure you that it is not a joke. 

David: That explains a lot. The wife and I were watching Wheel and just when a contestant was about to solve the puzzle and win a trip to Barbados, a cow came flying through our foyer and busted our TV.

Caller: I would say that was the tornado's doing.

David: Could be.

Caller: Well anyways, I gotta run. This guy next to me is throwing up everywhere and I don't want the splatter to hit my shoes.

And...SCENE.
 
What was your favorite part of the video?

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

A General Sense of Anger about Pirates of the Caribbean 4...



Did you hear? Pirates of the Caribbean 4 is coming out. OMG guys, you're not going to believe this but Johnny Depp is reprising his role as Captain Pirate Jack Black Parrot Sparrow. I heard he might even wear eyeliner. It's important because eyeliner is what women wear, but he's a man. An eyeliner-wearing man. But he's also a pirate, so that makes him even more deep and mysterious like a layered onion or that iceberg that totally wrecked the Titanic.

Listen, I loved the first Pirates movie. I saw it twice in the theater which is the equivalent of a normal person seeing it 600 times, because I HATE watching things twice. So that fact alone should be written on the Pirates movie tombstone when it dies and is laid to rest. 

Except it won't ever die. EVER. It's like Glenn Close from Fatal Attraction or that prehistoric squirrel thing from the Ice Age franchise.

Anytime I see these franchises that are whored out for sequels to infinity and beyond, I'm dying to know who is responsible for it. Back in Shakespeare's time, you know what they did to theater companies who put on bad plays? They cut pounds of flesh from the people responsible. Now, it's possible I'm mixing up reality and the main conflict from The Merchant of Venice, but the point remains: THERE SHOULD BE ACCOUNTABILITY FOR CINEMATIC GARBAGE.

You know how DUI offenders have to pick up trash and wear those vests that say "DRUNK DRIVER"? I think movie execs should have to have their tramp stamp spot tattooed with all the bombs they oversee. 

Maybe then, they'll think twice next time before they greenlight some garbage about Kate Hudson and a wedding. SERIOUSLY THOUGH GUYS: Kate Hudson in the context or in the immediate vicinity of matrimony? CAN WE MOVE ON? Seeing her in a successful, domestic relationship is less realistic than casting her as a professor of geneology with a black belt and a peg leg. 

And Johnny Depp? Who died and crowned this guy as Humphrey Bogart? Why does this guy get such reverance?  He gets treated like the Billy Graham of the movie industry. ENOUGH. The guy is weird. He may be SUPER talented, but he's still weird. Listen: There's a reason he does roles like Edward Scissorhands and Sweeney Todd. (Sidenote: Does he or does he not look like the kind of person who would name their child Banana Hammock Fontana Cervantes?)

It's because he isn't any good unless he's playing a weird character. And Jack Sparrow isn't weird anymore. He's a cliche of a cliche. 

It would be like Alec Baldwin, playing Jack Donaghy, playing The Most Interesting Man in the World. After a certain point, the entire concept begins to collapse upon itself.

Did you see The Tourist? OF COURSE YOU DIDN'T. No one in America did. But it was clear, even in the trailer, that the crazy chick from Sonny with A Chance would have been his acting equal in that movie. 


And that show isn't even the best Disney show. Wizards of Waverly Place is by a vast and expansive margin. And if you think The Suite Life with Zack and Cody is better than either, then you should be forced to eat a plate full of burnt human hair. I sincerely mean that.

I saw Scream 4 this weekend. No, I really did. Why? Because I'll watch almost any movie in the theater.  I just love the movie-watching experience. My wife loves pedicures. I love movies.  It's how I relax and recharge the batteries. 

Did it suck? YES. Did it make me think about how poor of a professional Neve Campbell's agent must be? ALSO YES. Did it make me feel sad that Seth Cohen, probably one of the greatest TV characters in my lifetime, could only get a small part in this movie? YOU BETCHA.

So it's not like I'm a movie snob. I have the loosest standards of movie-watching of anyone in this hemisphere. BUT I DRAW THE LINE AT Pirates 4. I can't do it. And you shouldn't either. Because if you do, where does it end? Pirates 5? Pirates 38? 

What are your feelings about the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise or Johnny Depp?



Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Residents of Awesometown #7 - Alise Wright



This weekend, I did several hours worth of yard work. When I was done, I felt proud like I had just solved a Rubik's cube or successfully explained the conceit of time travel in L O S T. Did I break my weed eater in the process of my grass massacre? IT'S POSSIBLE. Was a curse word or two uttered in the process? SEEMS LIKELY.  But I vanquished the wild and tangly nature that existed in my yard. The point here is that I have extremely low expectations for myself.

Conversely, my friend, Alise Wright, sets the bar extremely high for herself. Wife, Mother of four, Friend, Prolific Blogger and cover band Keyboardist  / musical Patroness of the Black Eyed Peas. Oh, don't despair. We'll delve more deeply into that one.

But the most impressive thing about Alise is her passion for the Not Alone project, which she is spearheading. We discuss it below, but essentially, it is a project to help people who struggle with depression find hope and community. I'll let Alise discuss it more eloquently and effectively below.

Be sure to check out her website, Alise...Write! for daily doses of her geniousity and general sense of brilliance and wit, and if you are interested in contributing or learning more about the Not Alone series, click here. If twitter is your game then do nothing else before connecting with her @bigmama247. I mean it. NOTHING else.

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Five Questions About Alise

1. Alise, what originally led you to start blogging/writing? 
I wanted to keep my out-of-state family up to date on what was going on with our own family. It’s completely evolved into something else at this point, but it was originally just a weekly Christmas letter.

2. Talk a bit about your Not Alone project. Where did the idea for it arise? 
Last fall I could feel myself sliding into depression again and published a quick little post on my blog letting my readers know about my struggle. The response was so encouraging, both to me and to others who read and it sparked an idea where others could share their stories and help one another know that they are not alone.


3. Beyond the obvious, what’s your biggest hope for the book? 
Well, of course I want people who deal with depression to know that they’re not alone, but honestly? I want someone who hasn’t dealt with depression to read it and be more understanding toward someone who suffers with depression.

4. If you could say one thing to a person struggling with depression, what would it be? 
Please, tell someone. You don’t have to go through this by yourself. People love you and want to be there for you.

5. Give us your biggest writing influences. 
I have a total writing crush on Rachel Held Evans. I love her style and while I hope I’ve found my own voice, I’ve modeled a lot of my writing after her. 

Five Rapid Fire Questions

1. Favorite current / all time book? 
Before we go further, understand that “favorite” is incredibly relative for me. I have tons of favorites. So if I’ve listed something else as a favorite on another site, know that it is ALSO my favorite. I don’t use that word in the way that it’s supposed to be used.

Current: Just got This is a Book by Demetri Martin. It’s pretty darn funny.
All-time: A Prayer for Owen Meany by John Irving

2. Favorite current / all time television show? 
Current: 30 Rock
All-time: Arrested Development or Seinfeld. Please don’t make me choose. Oh, or Malcolm in the Middle. Lois is a pretty close representation of me.

3. Favorite movie? 
Zoolander. At least, that’s the movie I quote the most often.

4. Favorite fictional character? 
Charlotte from Charlotte’s Web. She was a writer, a friend & a breeder. If I’m remembered for those things, I’m good with that. But I don’t have 8 legs. Just in case anyone was wondering.

5. Favorite Meal? 
One that I get to share with people that I love. Or soup. Soup with people that I love is extra awesome.

Five Hypothetical Questions

1. In 5 years, time travel will not only be possible, but it will be commercialized. As such, you are invited to participate in the Laser Tag Championship of All-Time, which is no doubt sponsored by ESPN and Geico.  Spanning recorded history, name the 3 people you would select for your team and why.

Fred Rogers, Mother Theresa & Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Because they’ll get us all talking and being super nice to each other and then I can blast the other team. They’ll never see it coming.

2. Let’s assume that in a parallel universe you exist as a single woman. You begin dating a gentleman who is perfect in every sense of the word. He is nice, smart, funny, charming, self-less and he will always be these things. Essentially, he will be Noah from The Notebook for your entire life regardless of how you are to him.
The only quirk is that he talks exactly like Eric Cartman from South Park. 100%  pitch perfect and there is no chance of changing the fundamental sound of his voice. 
Do you get involved with this man?

Ab-so-lutely. And I would make him say “respect my authoritah” all the time.

3. Let's assume you are a musician. An angel of the Lord visits you one night and tells you that you have two choices. 
A.) You can be the most popular musician in the world, but anyone of intellectual significance will realize your music is really just crap. But your popularity means you will be unfathomably wealthy, famous, and the opinion of critics will have no adverse affect on you or your family. In the truest sense of it, you would be the Black Eyed Peas.
B.) You can be a nobody musician while you are alive. You will literally have no fans outside of your family, but after you are dead, your work will be regarded as genius and you will be hailed as a prodigy. No one from your immediate family will ever be aware of this change in public opinion though.
Which scenario do you choose?

I play keyboards in a cover band. We play I Gotta Feelin’ and Let’s Get It Started. So you tell me Knox. You tell me.

4. If, in the near future, your entrance into any restaurant, business, party, etc. could be prefaced by introduction music, what song would you choose and why?

I think Richard Wagner’s Ride of the Valkyries would be appropriate. The world needs more culture. At the very least, people will think of Bugs Bunny and that’s not the worst thing.

5. Let's assume that in the near future, scientists invent a dream DVR that records your nightly dreams with excruciating detail. They appear as though they were a HD television show each time you dream and no details are left out. The feelings, emotions, and action within your dreams are all expressed and contextualized properly.
However, the only way you can watch these dreams is if 10 of your closest friends / family assemble to watch your dreams with you. Do you agree to this?

Probably. I’m a bit of an over-sharer as it is, so there’s very little that they don’t already know about me. And I don’t embarrass very easily, so even if it was something they didn’t know, it would probably still be fine. I think the potential for THEM to be embarrassed is far greater than it is for me.

Five Final Random Questions

1. If all expenses are paid, would you rather spend a month traveling across Europe or 15 minutes on the Moon?
I’ll take the month please, especially if I get to leave my children behind! (I kid, I kid! I love ‘em!)

2. What’s something the average human would be surprised to learn about you?
The day I got back from my honeymoon with my husband, we went to see Beavis & Butthead Do America. At my request.

3. What line from literature / cinema / tv would your put on your tombstone to summarize your life?
At the risk of reusing an answer, the last line of Charlotte’s web (only with my name, since I’m not named Charlotte): It’s not often that someone comes along that’s a true friend and a good writer. Alise was both.

4. What is your biggest pipedream? 
To figure out how to balance the time spent doing the things I love to do with time spent with the people that I love.

5. In 10 years, where do you hope to find yourself? 
Still madly in love with my husband, getting ready to go out for a killer soup dinner with our friends. 
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