Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I Have a Favor To Ask...

Hey you guys. What's up? Is that shirt new? It looks fantastic. Really brings out your eyes. And when you lean back and laugh like that? It looks like something out of a movie written by Nicholas Sparks movie. It does. I'm not joking. It really does. Has anyone ever told you that you have a movie star quality about you? They haven't? Well I'm saying it now. You have a movie star quality about you.

What's that? You're asking about me? Well I do have a few things going on right now that I could use some help with. But I couldn't ask for your help. I just couldn't. Are you sure? You insist? Well, ok.

So I'm featured on the Skit Guys Blog today with an excerpt from my book and you know what? It would be TREMENDOUS if you could stop by and leave a comment or a Facebook like. Anything would be good. Something funny about the book, something funny about me, a comparison to me and a historical or mythical figure, you know the usual stuff.

Also, I have the distinct pleasure of doing 7 Questions With the Author from Tor Constantino at his magnificent blog, The Daily Retort. I don't get interviewed much, so it's nice to be on this end of it for once.

Make sure to leave a comment, snarky or otherwise, but REALLY make sure to give Tor's blog a lengthy perusal. He's a writing veteran with an extreme skill and versatility for humorous, serious and applicable topics so do yourself a favor and read him daily like I do.

Either way, best comment on either post gets a free copy of my book, Jesus and The Bachelorette. Listen people, go big or go home. I will gladly reward commenting greatness.

But seriously. You look great today. Have you lost weight?

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Things That Piss Me Off: Abusers of The Migraine Label

Our generation's Maya Angelou, John Mayer, has a song called Waiting on the World to Change. I enjoy this song. A lot of people think it's talking about classism or racism. Maybe it's about gender politics or world hunger or why people like CougarTown. No one really knows for sure. I think it's ambiguous for a purpose so that we can apply our own meaning. So for me, this song is about waiting for the world to change when it comes to people assuming every headache is a migraine.

Ok listen. I understand that sometimes you have a bad headache. Maybe it's even really painful. Typically, I'm the kind of person that if you say, "I'm in pain," then I take you at face value because pain tolerance is individually unique.

But I have an issue when you start diagnosing and I have a large issue when you start diagnosing your headache as a migraine just because it's mildly uncomfortable. No, friend. A migraine is not mildly uncomfortable. A migraine is a special emissary sent straight from hell to remind you what suffering is truly about. A migraine is to your head what a kidney stone is to your bladder only if you replace the kidney stone with a piranha that has been set on fire and let loose among your intestines. 

Friday, August 26, 2011

The Abject Terror of Raising A Daughter

You guys, in less than a month, my wife will be giving birth to a baby girl. On a scale from 1 to 10, I'd rate my mental preparedness to be somewhere around Britney Spears when she shaved her head and Christina Aguilera's Dirty phase.

I have all these swirling emotions about the little girl that's about to come into my life. Some are very similar to the ones I felt for my son. These emotions are very powerful and may or may not be the cause of some tears shed during overly sentimental commercials.

But some emotions are completely foreign. Like abject fear and terror. I'm scared to death that I'm going to be a dumpster-fire of a father to her. But even if I somehow manage to be the Bill Cosby of dads, there's a layering of fear that she could STILL end up in a strip club somewhere in rural Tennessee, with a stage name of Delicious Destiny or something. Terrifying, right?

Emotionally speaking, I was kind of a wreck before my son was born. Having a family has always been one of my big desires in life and this was because I had such a good childhood. I wanted to replicate this for myself and I didn't realize just how moving my son's birth would be in those terms.

But even still, I didn't wrestle with the same things then I'm wrestling with now.

I'm at Jessica Buttram's blog with the rest of this post today, so click it over to her blog.

And while you are there, BROWSE a bit. She's healthy, wealthy and wise in the brain so basically everything she writes should win a Pulitzer Prize. Or whatever the blogging equivalent is. If that makes sense. You get what I'm saying right?

Thursday, August 25, 2011

The Human Grenades You Encounter At The Grocery Store

When you have young kids, do you know what a solo trip to the grocery store is like? It's like Aruba, but without all the white women disappearing. That's probably a poor analogy. Let's go with Disney World for adults. Going to the grocery store alone is like Disney World for adults.

There's no rush.You can take your time. You can browse the different olive oil selections and contemplate the metaphysical difference between virgin and extra virgin. If you like, you can exchange witty and jovial banter with the food samplers. The options are ridiculously limitless.

With young kids? The grocery store is like walking a tight rope with a dirty bomb strapped to your back. There's a rhythm and if you or your spouse dilly-dally in the cereal section over Honey Bunches of Oats and Honey Bunches of Oats and Nuts, then things can unravel quickly.

And before you build a mental image of what I'm talking about, in terms of a grocery store, I'm not talking about Wal-Mart. That place is the wild west of personal conduct and hygiene. You could write a dystopian novel set in Wal-Mart and never leave the home and gardening section.

I'm in Southeastern Tennessee, people. Our Wal-Marts aren't exactly a conglomeration of the best and brightest.  I know you save money there. TRUST ME, I know. But I just can't. Maybe that makes me a snob or stupid. That's fine. Plant those flags in my yard. At least I won't smell like pet food and hillbilly armpits.

Anyways, the grocery store. Alone it can be so wonderful. Sterile lighting, 68 degrees, unimposing contemporary artists like Gavin DeGraw or John Mayer soundscaping your atmosphere. So nice.

But it never is. It never, ever is. Why? Because of humanity that's why.

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Residents of Awesometown #15: Tamara Lunardo

When I first came across Tamara, I was taken with how "outloud" she was. Then, I was taken with how appropriate her moniker Tamara Outloud was.

As I got to know her, I realized that she's also something of an evil genius. But I guess Tamara Evil Genius didn't really flow, so good job by her on going with Outloud. 

Why is she an evil genius you ask? Because she's a living, breathing paradox: a yankee in the south...a food lover who likes black licorice...a deeply thoughtful person with a searing and hilarious wit...and despite all these paradoxes, she has a way of being all things to all people. 

This undoubtedly comes from her ability to be honest and transparent in her writing. Her love of bacon probably has something to do with it, but we'll focus on her honesty and transparency.

If you haven't read Tamara or visited her blog, you really should. Also, you can hang out with her on Twitter at tamaraoutloud. You are only hurting yourself if you continue to not visit her site. Consider this your call to accountability.

Five Questions About Tamara

1. What originally led you to start blogging/writing? 

I started writing when I was in first grade and realized what I could do with a pencil and paper; namely, craft stories good enough that I could get away with writing well beyond my allotted time in the writing corner. I started blogging the day after I turned 30 because I decided it was time I moved beyond that little corner and let some writing out in to the world.

2. On your blog, you describe your self as a bacon advocate. Describe how important bacon is to you in a metaphysical sense.  

This question couldn’t be more timely or distressing, as I’m in the midst of my “30 Days to Beat the Meat” challenge to go vegetarian for a month. I kicked it off by eating as much bacon as possible in the preceding week because I knew how much I’d miss it. I could go my whole life without ever eating a steak, but bacon? I’ll put it metaphysically, since you asked: I could not truly live without bacon.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

Residents of Awesometown #14: Sam Davidson

When you think about Sam Davidson, you kind of get resentful. I say that because he's a guy who sees the big picture about life and the world, but he's also genuinely hilarious. That's not really fair. People are supposed to be either ambivalent and hilarious or conscientious and humorless. Not both.

But even if Sam's superpowers did make you mad, you couldn't stay mad long. 

Why? Simply put, it's because he's a guy committed to making the world a better place by helping the individuals who populate it. A lot of people talk in superlatives and big grand ideas, but Sam focuses on simple ideas that yield revolutionary results.

Don't just take my word for it though because my words don't do Sam's work justice.

Do yourself, your soul and your community a favor and go browse Sam's site.  And for good measure, make sure you check out his company Cool People Care. You won't regret it.

To find out more about Sam's latest book, Simplify Your Life, click here.

An Opportunity for Greatness...

So there's a blogger challenge going down and I need YOU (visualize a picture of me dressed as Uncle Sam and pointing at you).

There's blogger NFL picks league being formulated and I need people to sign up for my team so that we can win and impose our prognosticating will on all challengers.

*When I played football in high school, I played the same position as this guy...

Yeah. Linebacker and Running Back just like Tim Freaking Riggins. Was I as sexy as The Rig? No by a factor of infinity. But we're not discussing sexiness. We're talking football pedigree.

 *I cried real tears when the Pats lost to the Giants in Super Bowl XLII.

*In Football, my number was 2. I chose this number so anytime I blitzed or ran for a big gain, people could yell, "The Deuce is Loose!" It was much less egomaniacal in my head than it was in actuality. Also? No one ever yelled this. Ever.

*I can defend Tom Brady's haircut with a straight face.

*I once got a player from the Webb School of Knoxville tossed from a game for a cheap shot - that I put on him.

*My high school football nickname was Cheops. A free copy of my book to anyone who can correctly identify the meaning of that name in the comments.

So if you find yourself moved to want to participate, I need you to either leave your answers in the comments OR email me at: rkmccoy @ gmail dot com and answer the following four questions:

1. Why are you qualified for this picks league?
2. Who is your favorite NFL team?
3. Who is your favorite NFL player?
4. What is/was your nickname and why?

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Things That Piss Joseph Craven Off

Today's post is brought to you by the human dynamo that is Joseph Craven. Haven't heard of him? Party foul on you. He only writes at the Greatest Blog of All Time. No seriously. That's the name of the blog. Truth is truth is truth people.

But seriously, go check him out. Jump on the GBOAT here and click clack at him on Twitter at TheJosephCraven. It will be like the first time you sampled Pepperjack Cheese.


Reading my work is a privilege. It must be, because not a day goes by that I don’t get solicited to write something awesome for somebody else. Saying “no” to offers from Pope Benedict or The POTUS has just become routine for me.

POTUS stands for President of the United States. We don’t refer to him at The POTUSA, because that sounds gross, and also because a band of the same name already called dibs on that abbreviation.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Don't Be That Guy: Beach Edition

Tyler Stanton is my host today as we move forward on the Jesus and The Bachelorette Book Tour.

Click here to go find out about all the wonderful types of people found on every beach in America.

Also, have you been checking out his side project, Reluctant Runners? You should be. If Tyler was Justin Timberlake, his main blog would be N'Sync and Reluctant Runners would be The Social Network.

So I mean you have to click over there now, right?

Friday, August 12, 2011

Book Excerpt - A Comparative Analysis: Chris Harrison and Kirk Cameron

Today, Rob Shepherd has graciously allowed me to guest post at his place,

You would think that I might hold a grudge against someone who didn't pick me to be on his blogging All Star team, but you know what? I respect Rob for that. I respect his vigilance and judicious evaluations of blogging, because let's be honest: I'm like the Kimmy Gibbler of bloggers.

Speaking of shrewd analysis and insight, Rob is giving that stuff out every day on his blog. If you haven't read his blog, do it and do it NOW. He's a guy that isn't afraid to be honest, admit that he doesn't understand something or speak the truth on the quality of the last Harry Potter movie. He's basically Bruce Willis from the Die Hard movies but way cooler.

Anyways, click here to go see my post. It's an excerpt from Chapter 2 of my book. So there's that, right?

Thursday, August 11, 2011

A Love/Hate Relationship with Weddings

Today,  I'm guest posting over at one of my new favorite blogs, my friend Jamie's blog, Jamie's Rabbits. 

Do you like genuinely hilarious people? Do you like informative posts about relevant ideas? Do you like fantastic pictures of food? Then Jamie's blog is the one for you. What's great about Jamie is that she's hilarious and she's not even trying. If you don't like someone like that then you probably are the devil or Kate Gosselin or something.

Click here to see my post at Jamie's blog and click here to read all about her.

I guarantee you will not be disappointed if you make her blog mandatory reading for you and all of your friends. You can thank Jamie later.

Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Jesus And The Bachelorette Book Release Party

Ok, I have a confession. I was going to do a Bachelor Pad Recap today AND announce the release of my new book. It was going to be fantastic. I was going to even feature this clip about my ongoing relationship with The Bachelor/ette franchise...

I guess Chris Harrison would have been the Gos and I would have been Rachel McAdams.

But then I watched 5 minutes and realized that I couldn't do it. Partially it was because the show was even more brain-meltingly stupid  than usual. But also? They were just WASTING Ames. He was like a Reese Cup in the middle of a vegetable platter and everyone keeps eating the carrots. It was offensive.

So we're here. This is unchartered waters for me people. I've never written a book before, much less tried promoting it. But I will say this: Get used to me shoehorning it very liberally into conversation. I'm not a proud man.

Click below to purchase one of the top 100, 000 books ever written by a 28-year old named Knox. It will be something you can proudly tell your grandkids about.
 Buy Now 
What's that? You want to see a picture of the cover again? Well don't mind if I do...

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Why Didn't Jonathan Taylor Thomas Become a Massive Superstar?

Listen. There are things going on in the world that seem to matter, but they don't: Debt ceiling stuff, partisan politics, Oprah's TV network. I know. I KNOW. They seem really important, but essentially, they are not.

Conversely, there are things very rarely bandied about in the national conversation among smart people and intellectual types that are fundamentally important as issues central to our very existence. That's why I am here.

Not to enlighten you. No, don't be silly. I don't presume to have the wisdom of Splinter, the rat-guru of all things ninja turtle-ish. But I do have a knack for seeing and recognizing it in other people.

In short, you may have heard about my Awesometown series. It's where I interview people who are so excellent that in a parallel universe, they most assuredly live in a place called Awesometown. But it isn't just a label or an empty title. These people do work.

As such, they have committed to serve as a Supreme Court of sorts that will rule on the important issues of our time. You want definitive? These people excrete certainty and conviction like you or I sweat.

So, I present to you, the Council of Awesometown.

MYSTERY #1: Why Didn't Jonathan Taylor Thomas Become a Massive Superstar?

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

The Bachelorette Recap: Good Things Ending Badly

You guys. This is totally the end. So many feelings. Relief. Despair. Happy to have known Ames. Sad to have lost him. I feel like a parent watching their pothead son miraculously graduate high school. I think that Green Day song Time of Your Life would be purfact here.

Ok. So the book will not be available today.  It's being formatted and prepped, BUT it will be ready within the next 5-7 days. I'll be doing a big virtual ribbon cutting and we'll probably have a giveaway. I'm thinking the hairpiece Chris Harrison wore on the previous 4 seasons, but I'm still working through the details on that.

In the mean time, could you do me a favor? On the right side of this blog, where you can subscribe, would you do it? Doing so will allow you to keep up with news about the book which I'm sure is the most important thing in your life right now.

Lastly, there is still time to contribute a blurb to be featured on my About the Book page. Last week gave us some pretty fantastic ones and I'm going to hold off on choosing the best in case you want to submit yours. It can be serious, funny, non-sensical or unrelated. The more the merrier.

It can be about me, the book, the bachelorette, or anything really. I'm not picky.

Ok. Time to lock it up. Time to kick the tires and light some fires. Time to order some code reds. Time to handle some truth, FOR LOVE!

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