My good friend Jared at BadlyDrawnBible.com asked me to write a little something for him while he took a break from the blog world, and I gladly obliged with a recap, seeing as how that’s my love language. What follows is what Old Testament Knox would have written about Balaam and his Talking Donkey.
Guys. You guys. Did you hear about Balaam? Did you watch the latest episode of “Old Testament Prophet”? Well if you did then high five because clearly we share a high intellect and gift for discernment of awesome things. If you didn’t? IT’S COOL because I’m recapping it here for you.
Balak, King of Moab is SERIOUSLY freaking out because the army of Israel is running wild and he can totally see what’s about to happen: he will be trampled like a Wal-Mart employee on Black Friday unless he does something POSTHASTE. So, with that inevitable trampling in mind, he dials up some prophetic soothsayers who can curse the army of Israel, thereby protecting his house like one of those awesome Under Armour commercials where everyone is ripped and loves wearing tight stuff. But seeing as how this is a special situation, he calls on Balaam, the most soothsayerest of all the prophets.
Balaam is interesting because he’s kind of a cut-throat. God speaks to him and he feels compelled to obey, but HAHAHA not really. Balaam seems to be about one thing: THAT MONEY. He’s a lot like Mr. Krabbs from Spongebob Squarepants in this way.