OK. So there’s been this leap in technology and pastry engineering or something and now people are changing the way that cupcakes are being eaten.

Great for humanity, right? I love it when we figure out how to do things more efficiently and we can look back on our great great great grandcestors and be like, “Remember when they had to go outside to use the bathroom and it was in a special shack” OR “Remember when everyone liked Pop Up Video?”1

But this one with the cupcakes…it’s a bridge too far my friends. TOO FAR.

If you are unclear about what I’m referring to, let me explain with pictures…

Great job, guys. We’ve taken a beautiful cupcake and turned it into an icing sandwich. Awesome. I get so excited when I’m at a party and the party hostess is like, “Ring-a-ding-ding, come get your icing sandwich.” No wait. I don’t. If I ever heard that, this is the face I would make…

You know what? Sometimes, you can get too cute. Sometimes, you can find a really cool hat to wear and that’s awesome because hats are great.

But then, you see another hat and you’re like, “HEY. You know what’s better than one awesome hat? TWO awesome hats!” and in your exuberance, you put a hat, on your hat giving your head two hats and no one needs two hats, you know?

Let me say it another way: sometimes, you can out-think yourself. Is this new Cupcake architecture less messy? PERHAPS. But the potential mess and the negotiation of avoiding it while also indulging in some sweet, sweet cake action makes it part of the fun.

This didn’t need innovation. Hover boards need innovation. Time travel needs innovation. NBC’s new TV line-up needs innovation. But cupcakes. NOT IN NEED OF INNOVATION.

Furthermore, this isn’t even a cupcake anymore. You’ve robbed the cupcake of its innocence. It’s a Franken-cupcake. It’s an icing sandwich, basically. Do you feel great about eating an icing sandwich? AND THE ICING STILL COMES OUT THE SIDES! It still makes a mess! YOU’VE EXCHANGED YOUR PROBLEM FOR A NEW PROBLEM.

In this respect, you are like Justin Timberlake. You’ve taken MySpace (the top layer of icing making a mess) and tweaked it to where it is different, but still fundamentally MySpace (the icing still makes a mess, just in a different way).

Do what you want. I’ll be over here eating cupcakes LIKE GOD INTENDED THEM TO BE EATEN.



  1. CONFESSION I STILL DO. OH MAN THAT FEELS GOOD TO SAY. I still love it and no one has explained to me why this didn’t grow into a HUGE franchise. Any Kanye West video ALONE would have been good for a 6-part episode. [↩]