When we last saw The Walking Dead, Andrea was being not great at flirting with The Governor, The Governor was starring at a Zombie Head Aquarium and Ricktator was divvying up the prison between the inmates and Team Rick. LOTS OF HAPPENINGS, YOU GUYS.
Morning light at the prison yard and somebody is leaving breadcrumbs to entice the zoms to attack Team Rick at the prison but instead of breadcrumbs it’s body parts of a dead deer so body part crumbs? Dead deer crumbs? I don’t know you guys, but someone is totally trying to sabotage the beautiful prison that Lori wants to have Shane’s baby in, ok? That’s what is important to focus on.
Ricktator and company are moving cars or something but more importantly they totally caught Glen and Maggie DOING IT and everyone is like, “Guys can you believe it? Glenn and Maggie were totally DOING IT and then the audience from Saved By The Bell that was always like, “OhhhhHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA” anytime Jessie and Slater or Zack and Kelly would kiss, they showed up as Glenn and Maggie were getting dressed and were like, “OhhhhHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAA.”
THEN, the inmates Rick didn’t decapitate or leave for dead come out and are like, “MISTA SHERF, PUHLEASE DON’T MAKE US LEEYUVE IN THE BAD PUHRISON. IT SUHMELLS LIKE BUHRAINS AND INTESTINE PARTS!”
Faced with this dilemma, Team Rick talks about whether or not to let the two inmates hang with them. TBoneDawg is pretty adamant that they should and Darryl is like, “Yes I agree with TBoneDawg but actually I do not,” and then Ricktator tells a story about some episode of Law and Order or Matlock he watched one time and that’s the clincher to THAT discussion because remember: this is a Ricktatorship now.
Back at Woodbury, Michonne goes for a slow stroll through town to look at bullet holes where she presumably recreates the scene of the Governor’s massacre. Aren’t there like 12 shows on CBS about this exact phenomenon? But I don’t think any of them take place during the zompocalypse, right?
BOOM NEW SHOW IDEA: Topher Grace is a quirky but plucky psychic who recreates “crime” scenes during the zompocalypse and the girl who played Kimmy Gibbler is his partner but only for one episode because SPOILER ALERT: she gets eaten in the first episode mainly because I would love to see Kimmy Gibbler get taken out during the zompocalypse. Her replacement is Ian Ziering from 90210 or WAIT (I’m editing on the fly, you guys.) maybe it should be Magnitude from Community. I think that’s a better fit. After Topher Grace solves a crime, Magnitude could be like “POP, POP”, and if Topher Grace solved a sad crime, he could do like a quiet, more contemplative “pop pop.”
Anyways, what were we talking about? Oh right. Michonne is artfully recreating exactly what happened with the worst military unit ever but then BAM the Governor is right there to talk it out with her and that certainly isn’t convenient or creepy.
Back at the Prison, Carl and his stupid hair are cleaning his gun and making eyes at the girl who tried to kill herself with a spork even though she’s like 28 and he’s 9. Herschel is on his feet with a sketchy pony tail that I’m somehow just noticing I think (he looks like a short order cook who specializes in omelettes and pedophilia) and Lori is super patronizing about his progress after taking like 3 steps.
He goes outside and everyone is looking at each other and being happy and Ricktator is looking at Lori and she tosses her hair and the music is like, “Just a small town girl, pregnant with her husband’s best friend’s kid…
BUT THEN Carl and his stupid hair are like, “WALKERS!” and he’s right because there’s a ton of walkers on the loose and everyone freaks out because that’s something definitely worth freaking out about and Ricktator is like, “LORI, I’M CONCERNED OUT OF OBLIGATION BUT I MIGHT BE OK IF YOU ARE BITTEN I JUST DON’T KNOW THIS IS ALL HAPPENING SO FAST.”
Everything is mostly ok as Herschel crutch kills some zom and I bet when that zom goes back to all the other zoms, they will totally make fun of him because he couldn’t take the old guy with a half leg and lame pony tail.
BUT THEN, TBone Dawg gets bitten. NOOOOOOOOOO! TBone Dawg! They were finally giving you opportunities and then you go and get your shoulder bitten off. THE WORST!
Back from commercial and Merle super misreads Andrea’s signals for sexy stuff and Andrea is like Ewww.
Back at the prison, it’s zom chaos and then the prison alarm starts going off and it’s basically worst case scenario. TBoneDawg is staggering around and Carol is like, “Maybe we should cut your shoulder off. I’ll get Herschel’s super dull hatchet.” And T Bone Dawg is like “Carol you cannot go around hacking people’s shoulders off.”
Also, did I mention Lori is going into labor? Doesn’t that totally make sense? Of COURSE she would go into labor now. She totally is the girl who makes EVERY situation about her.
Back at Woodbury and the Governor is hitting golf balls (awesome). And the Governor hits a zom in the head (double awesome). But the net distance of his drives are like 75 yards (not awesome). Also, Merle wants to go look for Darryl and the Governor is like “Maybe,” but we all kind of assume that this means, “Most likely, no.”
Back at the prison, Ricktator is screaming and Lori is about to give birth.
Carol and T Bone are going for a stroll when they find more zoms and T Bone Dawg is like, HEROIC DEATH and Carol is like, “Nooo…yeah ok that sounds good.” And T Bone Dawg is like “GOOOO…” but then he stops because he literally gets like his chin bitten off. HIS CHIN YOU GUYS.
RIP T BONE DAWG. You were a good dude and I literally never learned your name.
Back from commercial and Andrea is still leaving. This is like the longest exit ever, right? Her and the Governor drink and talk and reminisce and the Governor tells her his name, “Philip” even though last week he LITERALLY said he wouldn’t tell anyone his name. Then Andrea leaves and it’s super weird in an ominous sense.
Ricktator and Darryl figure out the alarm system but HOLY GADZOOKS the guy Rick chased into the courtyard and presumably certain death was the one behind all the deer body part breadcrumbing and he comes at Ricktator with an axe but the OTHER inmate kills him proving his loyalty.
Lori is bullying Maggie into giving her a C-section even though it will kill her and then she bullies Carl into making him use his knife to do it. UGH. She can’t possibly die, right?
“I think she’s going to die in this episode.” – My wife
“No way. They’ll kill her off at the end of the season when it builds more. No way they do it now.” – Me, right before Lori died
If you aren’t listening or you haven’t subscribed to my podcast, Xtra Bacon, we actually discussed Lori and her fate and it’s going to seem like this is me saying, I’M AWESOME, but I’m not. I’m generally the worst at predictions.
But beyond the actuality of Lori dying, this is the part where things kind of change for me. This show was always more thriller and less gritty because it didn’t really seem to have the guts or the ability to competently pull off blindsides. The thing with Shane, we all saw coming 20 miles away. Dale getting his guts ripped out? Who cares because he was annoying and his bucket hat was the worst. I mean who seriously wears bucket hats any more?
But this episode, for me, flipped that narrative over entirely. Again, for me, this is where the show makes the leap and sheds the previous skin of being a lightweight drama into a show that can be taken more seriously.
No long is Carl the doofus kid who is naive and always into trouble and no longer is Lori the shrewish and totally unlikable wife. The writers have spent most of the season sanding the edges off both characters and Lori went out in the best possibly way for her character; sacrificing her life for her baby’s and in the process forcing Carl to grow up permanently. While you could certainly pounce on her for making Carl hand over his knife for the purposes of what will ultimately kill Lori and for putting him in the position of having to put Lori down so she doesn’t come back, in a sense, it’s a thing where Carl is forced to accelerate his perspective on things. The cost of the world they live in, the consequences of things and the reality that is unfortunately true and surrounding them.
It’s very easy to make fun of a show that is ham-handed and clumsy. It’s not so easy once you actually respect the show, which is why I watched the last few scenes without typing anything.
Carl standing silently…
Rick staggering and collapsing…
Maggie holding a motherless child…
I could be totally wrong, but I think The Walking Dead just became a legit show. What did you think?