So here’s the thing, if you are a regular reader, you probably saw this post where I mentioned about my new reality how these recaps have to work from now on. If you aren’t a regular reader though and you are just here for the recaps, long story short, to justify my time given my new career circumstances, I have to start charging for these recaps.
I know. I KNOW. I’m not overly thrilled about it either because it feels sleazy, but it’s either that or stop altogether so we’re going to see if this works.
SO, if you want to click here, you can pay and you’ll get the entire recap along with a new thing I’m doing, since I’m charging, which is pictures from the show with thought bubbles.
Or, if you’d rather, you can click here and pay for a season pass to these recaps for $7. Paying for each one individually would result in it being right at $9, so this saves you a few bucks.
OR, if you just hate me completely because you want free stuff, you can click here to listen to my podcast recap of the episode on the Xtra Bacon Podcast Network.
Again, if this ruins your life, I really am sorry but it’s just part of my new reality now.
Coming up on The Bachelorette…
HORSES! DANCING COWBOYS! CANNONBALLS! SLOW DANCING. DIABEETUS! TANK TOPS! HIDDEN GIRLFRIEND! DUCK DODGE DIVE DIP! HOSPITAL! SOMEONE IS A PIG! BUT FOR LOVE KIND OF?!
Can we talk about how frustrated I am that Brooks is the one that gets hospitalized? It’s not that I like Brooks. I actually hope that maybe he gets hit SO hard that he begins talking with a british accent. That would be super acceptable. Grunting like he’s making sexual noises would be more acceptable than what he’s doing now and hashtag real talk, guys? The combination of Brooks’ voice and Des’s voice could actually be the apocalypse because I’d rather have seven bowls of wrath than have to listen to them talk.
The point though, why did I have to know? Is this episode going to be some kind of origin story about how Brooks got to the point where he was put into the hospital because that would probably be great. Just a minute-by-minute account of his life before the moment where he gets hit so hard in the junk that he has to go to the hospital. That’s compelling TV, guys.
Harrison shows up in a shirt that looks like it’s from…you know…I don’t know how much more I can defile this dead horse. The guy dresses like any protagonist’s douchey best friend from your standard rom-com. I don’t know what else to add at this point. Did you see the sleeves on that man quilt?
Where does Harrison get his shirts from? It’s like he digs through some old Chinese lady’s dumpster and repurposes her tossed out clothes to be the underside of his t-shirts.