Coming up on the Bachelorette!
AC! SAND CASTLES! CLOUD NINES! HELICOPTERS! NEW JERSEY! MORE CONCERTS! MR. AMERICA! HASHTAG DANCING! BEN MELODRAMA! BEN’S DINNER JACKET!
First things first and it’s Harrison time in a shirt that is definitely a shirt. That much is for sure. It’s just really yellow. Like aggressively yellow. It’s like the tasmanian devil of yellows and you can tell Harrison knows it. He’s so cocky about how yellow this shirt is that it is monumentally infuriating.
He talks and explains and essentially filibusters himself about all the dates that are going to be happening as though there are as many types of dates as there are ways to eat shrimp. More explaining. Blah blah blah. Explain explain explain.
He tells the guys that they are leaving the bachelor mansion to go to AC and the guys looked genuinely thrilled. Is AC that great? Isn’t it New Jersey lite? I’m asking.
BenjaZak Button update: He looks six trillion years old. Good grief he looks like he’s been exhumed..
Des walks around AC and wears a peacoat and watches a seagull fly and it’s WAY more complicated than you think, you guys. Just like SO MANY thoughtful thoughts and contemplative contemplations, you know?
Enter montage of the guys flying and acting out for the camera.
Enter montage of guys checking out their new digs and it’s super nice so they are super thrilled.
Diabeetus is excited to be in AC but wonders if AC is progressive in terms of diabetes or if they are still old world and prejudiced against people with the Beetus.
DJ Domestic Abuse gets the one-on-one date (thanks to @EdHyndman for tweeting out this article from Buzzfeed about Brad and his interesting past.) and gets ready but pauses long enough to check out his son’s picture because that’s what ALL fathers do, you guys. Usually for me, it’s between mouthwash and shaving. I’ll just gaze at my children’s pictures, but that’s me. Clearly DJ Domestic Abuse likes to gaze AFTER he’s dressed himself. We all have our different journeys.
All the guys voice over super ominous thoughts about DJ Domestic Abuse and their connection and it’s great because these guys have proven themselves to be prescient studies in the human condition. But it does feel particularly forced because we haven’t really gotten this before which makes me think that Brad is gone (because we haven’t had one of those yet) OR he and Des have this massive connection and they get married or something.
They go to the boardwalk and play games and win prizes and ride rides. Ride ride ride. Games Games games. Prizes prizes prizes.
Then there’s this chocolate caper subplot where they track down chocolate? I’m not sure, it kind of happens quickly. This date is pretty dumb but not as dumb as BenjaZak Button obsessing from the apartment about what DJ Domestic Abuse and Des are doing. He is seriously ANGUISHING.
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